Everyone Looks So Happy Online
Everyone knows how easy it is to open up on social media and we feel like everyone else has their shit together. You see many positive things; engagements, vacations, new houses, babies, career announcements, perfect relationships, cute outfits, spotless homes, and smiling faces. But the reality is that we are seeing tiny, carefully selected pieces of someone's life - not everything happening behind the camera.
I am guilty of looking at others social media and being jealous of it. I am also guilty of posting mostly the positive things happening in my life. But it isn't always what we think it is. Sometimes things are actually not good. I used to post my previous relationship on social media like it was the best thing ever. But in reality, I was experiencing mental abuse and manipulation. We don't usually talk about the bad things.
Social Media Is A Highlight Reel
As I said, we naturally post the good stuff. We post the vacation, not the argument in the hotel room. We post the graduation picture, not the nights we cried over assignments. We post the adorable couple picture, not whatever struggles might be happening privately. Now, posting things that are good in our lives does not mean that they aren't real, it just means it is the incomplete picture of their life. There is nothing wrong with posting just the good things in our lives. We just have to keep in mind that if we look at other people's posts... they might not be accurate. We can feel like other's lives are better than ours, that other people have all the things that you want. But again, we don't see all the aspects of someone's life on social media. That life that you think is perfect, it might be actually quite depressing behind the scenes.
When Did Happiness Become Something We Have to Prove?
There is this pressure to make our experiences look only good online. To make sure other people only see the good aspects of our lives. But this is not something that is realistic. No one's life is perfect. If you sit there and say your life is perfect, then you are lying. Life is full of ups and downs. We don't have to prove anything on social media. We don't need to post positive things or negative things. We can post whatever we want on our social media, because it is our social media.
We don't have to pretend we are perfect. We don't have to pretend to be anything. I think that it is just important to post whatever we want to post. Social media helps us to keep in touch with others, but it can be a really negative space for some people. It is important to just keep in mind that we are not getting the whole picture when we see someone's social media posts.
The Comparison Trap
This is actually a section I included in my last blog. It is relevant in this blog as well. We sometimes look at other''s social media and think that their life is better than others. We can quickly start to think that the person we see on social media have a better relationship. Or they're prettier than me. They're traveling more than me. They already bought a house. They're further ahead in their career. And while we may feel this way, that doesn't mean that we don't have a good life. It can feel like their life is outshining ours. But that is not true.
Here is the thing... If we are not happy with some aspect of our life, we have the opportunity to change it. Only we are in charge of where our life is going. If you see that someone else is losing weight, go to the gym or eat healthier. If someone has a better job, start applying to other places. There are so many ways that we can uplift our life from where it is at the moment. But something that certainly does not help us is comparing ourselves to others. It will only make us feel not good enough.
But Social Media Isn't the Villain
Social media can be wonderful. It lets us stay connected, celebrate people, find communities, discover hobbies, laugh, learn things, and share important moments. The issue isn't necessarily posting our happiness. The problem comes when we start measuring our happiness against everyone else's posts. Again, we need to keep in mind that we are not getting the whole picture when we see someone else's social media posts.
There are so many things that we see on social media that make us feel bad. But there are also so many things that can make us feel good. Sometimes if I have a bad day, I will go to TikTok and watch some videos. Those videos will sometimes improve my entire day. There have also been many times that I have learned something from social media. Sometimes that thing is a new song, or sometimes a life hack, or a new book. These are all positive things that have came out of social media in my experience.
What Does Happiness Look Like When Nobody Is Watching?
Maybe happiness isn't always a huge announcement. Sometimes it's drinking coffee in your pajamas. Reading a really good book. Laughing until your stomach hurts. Sitting outside on a beautiful day. Spending time with someone you love. Playing with your pets. Getting into bed with freshly washed sheets. Some of the happiest moments of our lives may never make it onto instagram, and maybe that's okay.
I know that personally, the best moments of my life are not posted on social media. There are some things that should just be experiences that are just for us. We don't always have to include others in our best moments. Sometimes it is okay to just be in the moment of those experiences first hand. But if you want to share those moments, or even all moments on social media, that is completely up to you. No one can dictate what you are posting on your social media. Just remember that everyone will see what you post and that it will always be out there, even if you delete it.
Learning to Live Before We Post
Now, I do not suggest just deleting social media because it is a terrible thing. I suggest just thinking about being more intentional with social media. Sometimes we should just put the phone down and experience something before we photograph it. We have to notice when scrolling starts to affect our mood. We must remember that we don't owe the internet proof that we are enjoying our life. It is okay to post the cute picture. Just make sure to live in the moment too.
Happiness Doesn't Need an Audience
Maybe the goal isn't to stop posting happy moments or assume everyone online is secretly miserable. It's simply remembering that a post isn't a life. Someone else's beautiful moment doesn't mean your life is lacking. And your happiest moments don't become more valuable because other people saw them. Maybe instead of asking whether our lives look happy, we should start asking ourselves something much simpler: Am I happy when nobody is watching?
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