The Confusing Part of Missing Someone
Have you ever missed someone and immediately reminded yourself why they're no longer in your life? Sometimes we miss people but we know that we shouldn't. The truth is... it is okay to miss someone whom has done you wrong. There are good parts of the people with whom we have had negative experiences with. I have many past relationships where I knew it was right to walk away. But do I still miss them at times? Absolutely. That is a perfectly normal thing.
It can be really confusing when your heart and your head seem to disagree. We can feel like we are not supposed to miss people that we no long associate with. But it really is okay to miss those people. Missing someone doesn't automatically mean you want them back. It just means that you miss the happy parts of the times that you spend with that person.
The Good Memories Don't Just Disappear
Sometimes we remember the good moments more than the painful ones and sometimes we remember the painful ones. The brain has a weird way of working. But it is okay to rethink about the good times you've shared with someone. We all know that those memories do not just go away. In most cases those memories are with us for life. Even unhealthy relationships can have beautiful memories. It is okay to remember the laughter, the adventures, and special moments.
Sometimes the nostalgia can make us overlook the difficult parts. But that is okay. Just by remembering the good it doesn't mean that we are going to just going to go back to that person. But it is still good to remember the whole relationship that we went through. We can sometimes just start to feel like we want to go back to something that was once beautiful. But remembering why we walked away is important to remember.
Missing Someone Doesn't Mean You Made the Wrong Decision
When we start to miss someone, especially someone whom we were once involved with, we can start to rethink our decision to walk away. That is a normal thought process. But just because we are missing them, it doesn't mean that we need to go back to that. There are so many reasons why people walk away, no matter what that reason is, it is important to remember that. It is normal that we question ourselves after walking away. Walking away from someone is hard. Being alone can be lonely and we often start to feel like maybe we made the wrong decision. But, there is no need to question yourself.
There is also a big difference from missing someone and needing them in your life. We can miss people but not need them. If every day is agonizing without the person because you are lonely, then the person is not what you are missing, it is having someone around. But if every day is agonizing without them and you just cannot go on without them, then maybe you are right to rethink walking away.
The loneliness can make the past seem more appealing. We really can want someone by our side when we are lonely. And when our ex is texting us that we are the best thing that ever happened to them and that they made a huge mistake, it can feel as though we should go back to that person. But that is not true. It is just the loneliness talking.
Sometimes We Miss Who We Thought They Were
When we are in a relationship with someone, there comes a time when that person ends up showing us who they really are. In my experience, it happens around this 6 months to a year mark. It starts off slow. But then eventually you just get to the point where you feel like you don't know the person anymore. At that point is when you know it is time to walk away. But we always think that if we could just get back to who they used to be, then everything would be alright. But that is always possible. People can change, but that change only happens if they want to change.
Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?
Emotional attachments develop over time. So it just makes sense that it is hard for us to let go. We can also want to see the good in people, so we try to hold on to that version of someone, even if that is not one that exists. In addition, familiarity can feel comforting even when a relationship wasn't healthy. We often enjoy the familiarity that comes with someone that we have become close to. It can be hard to step out into the world to find someone new, even a new friendship.
Healing is not always a straight line. We start off feeling sad, or mad. Then our emotions can go all over the place. Healing is a rollercoaster. Some days we feel fine, and others we feel like we have hit rock bottom. Sometimes our feelings go back and forth within minutes. But that is okay. Healing has no specific timeline, so do not feel upset if you are healing too slowly.
Missing Them Doesn't Mean Going Back
As we have already discussed, we don't have to go back just because we are missing someone. You can miss someone and still know they aren't meant to be part of your life anymore. You can remember the good times without forgetting the reasons you walked away. You can wish them nothing but happiness while choosing to find your own. Because sometimes, missing someone isn't a sign that you should go back. It's simply proof that they once meant something to you. You don't have to turn someone into a villain to justify choosing yourself.
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