This week I decided to do something a little different. This week I am going to discuss 10 life lessons that I have learned. I feel as though as we go about our life, we learn so many things but only the big ones stand out and apply to our every day lives.
1. Stop caring about what others think about you.
This one was a hard one to learn, growing up, especially as a girl, we are taught to think about what someone else would think of whatever our actions, goals, or the things we wear. We are told that other people's opinions of us matter. But this really proves to not be true. It is truly about what we think about ourselves that matters. When I was younger, up until a few years ago, I cared so much about what other people thought about me. I stressed over it and would be so hard on myself thinking about all the negative things about myself and that everyone was going to see those things and not like me. But, my therapist told me until you stop caring about what other people think about you, you will never be happy. So, I started to do things that made me happy and stopped caring about other people's opinions. I mean geez, I just dyed my hair pink, some people might think that is stupid or looks bad, but I wanted to do it for myself, so I did.
2. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is okay.
This one kind of plays into the last one. Everyone has that one person that we just don't like. Whether it is at work, school, or just out in the world. Sometimes we don't know why we don't like someone, we just plain don't. Well, sometimes other people's person is you. That may really bother some people, and it used to bother me. But then I realized that it doesn't matter, and shouldn't matter. If you like yourself that is all that matters. I would do things to please everyone, but you cannot please everyone. Sometimes we just don't get along with people. Don't change who you are or change your actions around someone just for them to like you. That is not being true to yourself and you'll probably find that the person still won't like you.
3. Always be yourself.
I know that these seem kind of redundant, but they are all equally important. I used to change myself in order to fit into today's society. As I have mentioned in my previous blog post, I had issues with eating disorders. I wanted so badly to be skinny and perfect like some of the other girls at my school or the celebrities on my social media. But, I was damaging myself. Did you know that according to the doctors office I am obese? That is not great to hear for a woman. For my height, 5', I am supposed to be 100 pounds. I haven't been 100 pounds since I was about 10. I am built like my birth mom, muscular. I admit that these days I am overweight and probably should lose some weight, but it isn't as prominent and damaging to me anymore. I also would act certain ways around certain people to gain their acceptance and that was also damaging to me. Now, I have learned to just be myself. The right people will accept you.
4. You only live once, so live it up and take chances.
Most people know of YOLO, which stands for you only live once. And that is so true. Although we may come back again (we will probably never know), we only live this life one time. Therefore, we have to make the most of it while we are here. Admittedly while I was really struggling with my mental health I did not follow this. I was always just staying home, afraid to do anything risky or for myself. But, I started to realize as I hit the 26 mark and was now closer to 30 than 20, I really have to do things for myself because this is the only life I have. I was told that I possibly can't handle college because of my anxiety. But I said screw that and proved them wrong. Yeah my anxiety sometimes gets bad, but I cannot let it ruin and run my life. I now do college and work, which sometimes is hard. For example, next semester I will have no days off between school and work. That is going to be stressful, especially running now two blogs (don't worry cuz I will be fine, I know you're reading this), and trying to do school and work. But, I feel as though school and both blogs are things that I am passionate about and am okay with taking chances on both. I also just do things because I want to, because this is my life and I need to live it for myself.
5. Take time out to do stuff for yourself.
This one is super important. Self care is very important!! Sometimes this just means taking a bath, drinking a glass of wine after a long day, or even taking a trip to the spa (Yes, I see you men, you can do all those things too!). The world these days is so fast paced and stressful. So make sure you are being kind to yourself and making time for yourself. Even if you have kids, it can be a lot harder, but you gotta make sure you are taking care of yourself too. Even if all you can manage is writing in a journal. I used to just do everything that everyone else wanted to do or for me to do, but I got dragged down by it and was unhappy. Now, I go get my nails done with my sister, get my lashes done, and experiment with my hair. I still have people tell me that I should be saving that money, but those things I do for myself and I have to do some things for myself. Yes, they cost money, but doesn't everything?
6. Do not let others control your life.
This one may seem kind of obvious, but it is something that I had to learn the hard way. Growing up my parents tried to control everything I did. (Not in a bad way, they just wanted me to be successful and wanted what was best for me.) But they liked to tell me that I should care about my reputation and the people I hang out with. Those things are pretty important, but it shouldn't run your whole life. They also tried to guide me towards a career in which made me money. They are currently very proud of me and are happy that I am becoming a teacher. But, I wanted to do other things and honestly wasn't worried enough about college or my career.
On the other hand, my ex husband was very controlling. At first it was some guy who I was friend's with and he didn't want me spending time with. But, eventually it became everyone. Everyone was a threat to us and he made that known. I once went to a party and ended up falling asleep because I had pre-gamed too hard. I woke up to about 100 calls and texts from him claiming that I was a cheating whore and that if I wasn't home by a certain time we were done. I explained what happened and he told me that he would rather me drive drunk than be at a party with any guys. So, that was the last time I hung out with that girl. He also controlled the things I wore. He would sometimes say that he didn't like what I was wearing because it was a crop top or too showy so he would make me change before I went somewhere without him. This was one of the worst times in my life. I wish, looking back, that I had told him to shove it and did what I wanted to do. But because of my borderline personality disorder, I didn't want him to leave and made sure to please him at all costs so that he wouldn't leave. Today, I do things that I want to do, wear what I want to wear, and live my life for myself.
7. Failing at anything is okay!
I used to be terrified to make a mistake, so much so that I would have panic attacks about it. But, making mistakes and failing are two things that are important in order to learn and be successful. It may seem strange to say oh to succeed we must fail, but it is very true. If I hadn't made a mistake by being with my ex husband, I wouldn't have learned everything I learned now, and I certainly wouldn't be myself. I also have failed classes, which in the end made me work harder, and if you read blog on Guiding Teenagers, you know I failed every single chemistry test that I took and ended up successful. I have also tried and failed at many things. This used to bother me and get me really down, but I realized that this was important to my character development and also important for my success. So, do not get down about making mistakes or failing in life, it is okay!!
8. Do not settle for less.
By this I mean many things. I don't just mean don't settle for less in a partner, but do not settle for less in life. First off, the obvious, do not settle for less in a partner. We know the disaster I have been through with my ex husband. But I have experienced more than that, I have been cheated on, put down, discarded, disrespected, and more in relationships. But find yourself someone who truly cares about you and proves that every single day. Second, do not settle for less in your career. Do not stay at the one job that you applied to when you were fresh out of college. If the job doesn't make you feel fulfilled then find something else! There are so many jobs out there that are fulfilling and worth looking into. Lastly, do not settle for less in life. Do not stop chasing happiness and new experiences. We all get stuck in the loop of just do your job, go home and repeat. But take time to do fun things, visit places you've always wanted to see, go to that concert, take that job, date whomever makes you happy. If it isn't making you happy, get rid of it. Do not do things because you are "supposed to". Do the things that make you happy.
9. Surround yourself with people who are like minded and have the same goals.
This one is something that may make some people mad, but it is important. Sometimes we find people in life that we think are great at first, but we then realize do not care to go forward in life and are okay with the bare minimum, or just make overall bad decisions. Sometimes we stay with them because they are good to us. But, sometimes those people can drag us down. If they do not really effect you then that is a little bit different. However, we often times follow each other naturally and end up picking up habits of those we spend our time with. This means sometimes we get lost in their world and pick up bad habits that can weigh on our lives. I have had to cut out many people before because they were weighing me down or just not making the best choices. That may seem cruel but I want to be surrounded by people who bring me up and push me to be better. Pick people who are motivated and share the same life goals or at least similar. People who enjoy the same things that you do, or just who want to be successful. This in turn, will help you and encourage you to do better in your own life.
10. Be less hard on yourself.
This is the last one but is very very important. We are all very hard on ourselves. Sometimes do to our parents being hard on us and always pushing us. Other times due to just the nature of our being. But we should all be a little kinder to ourselves. We should also remember that there is always someone doing worse than you. If you have a job that pays you too small of an amount, remember that there are people who do not have jobs or have a hard time finding a job. If you have a small apartment and wish to find something bigger but cannot afford it, remember there are people without homes as at all. There are many scenarios I could use for this. But just remember that you are doing your best. If you think you are doing bad in life you probably are just being too hard on yourself. If you are truly unhappy then use that as motivation. I know that I have. If you tell me I can't do something, I am going to do it and do it better than ever thought possible. Overall just be kinder to yourself and stop being so hard on yourself, you are doing great!!!
Those are the lessons that I have learned throughout my life thus far. Life is hard and we all have struggles. But we just learn from our mistakes and keep pushing on. I hope my readers can get something out of this!!
Thank you to those who have been reading my blogs. I appreciate each and every one of you. I am so close to hitting my first goal of 100 readers, only 25 more to go! I hope to continue to reach more and more people and create content in which my readers enjoy reading about.
Until next time!
Jacasa
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